Cats are complex creatures and humans could learn a lot from the fickle and aloof way the feline mind works. Cat lovers will enjoy this and cat haters will have all their fears confirmed-your cat is smarter than you, is better than you, and is plotting something sinister. Includes illustrations.

People say, a thousand years ago cats were worshipped as gods. That implies this is no longer the case. Aren't people CUTE when they're in denial?

Cats may seem pompous and self-absorbed, but that's only because we're so pretentious and uppity. Wait . . . that didn't come out right.

If you get upset when your person touches your tail one day-then the next day, you like it when they touch your tail, they're going to wonder why you're messing with their heads like that. Excellent. Your job is done.

People make a big fuss when you unravel the entire roll of toilet paper. Well, if you can think of a way to spin that thing for, like, 5 minutes WITHOUT unrolling it, I'd like to hear it.